Crazy Times in the News

So I'm not gonna lie....this particular posting is most definitely a procrastination technique. It's currently 11:39 PM, and tomorrow is my last day at work!! (yessssssss!!!!) As you would expect, it just wouldn't be right if my job didn't suck until the very bitter end, so I should be doing work right now. (If you can call plugging meaningless numbers into a spreadsheet that will most likely sit on a share drive and never be looked at again "work." Or maybe that is the DEFINITION of "work.") As I'm sure you've noticed, the news has been quite interesting and incraziable lately, so I am going to take a moment to share my thoughts on a few particularly fascinating happenings around the world. I feel this will undoubtedly benefit my brain significantly more than the useless data inputting I should be doing. (Yes, I made "incraziable" up- great word, right?)

1 - G20 Summit in Pittsburgh
Obviously, I have to comment on this...Being from Pittsburgh and all. I think it's pretty cool that it's taking place in my hometown and soon-to-be residing city, but I must admit it is kind of bizarre to keep hearing & seeing Pittsburgh all over the news. Also, watching the news footage has been a little unnerving. If I didn't know better, I would think it was coverage of riots in the Middle East or something. I hear most of the protests are pretty legit and peaceful. My dad actually spent last night and today handing out food to the protesters, which I think is pretty rad. It does seem, though, that there are definitely a few too many crazies out there - shattering store windows, throwing dead animals, and eating babies and stuff. (okay...maybe there hasn't been any baby eating...yet...but my point stands.) I understand why people are protesting corporations and the American banking system, but I tend to believe (more or less) that radical, destructive behavior isn't likely to help anyone's cause or help affect any kind of beneficial change. Simply put, vandalism in the City of Champions. Not cool! Where's Mean Joe Greene when you need him? Also - Throwing dead animals? Isn't this supposed to be about global economics? But at any rate, I hope all my people in the Burgh are safe and sound and aren't trapped at work or school or the Liberty Tubes or anything. And if you are, by God I pray you make it at least as far as the nearest bar. Cheers!

2 - Mackenzie Phillips had Sex with her Dad...A Lot
WHAT.THE.FUCKING.FUCK!

3 - Plaxico Burress - 2 Years for Wearing Sweat Pants to a Night Club
Seriously...2 years? Poor guy! As I'm sure you've noticed from my previous rants, I am quite the liberal, and I'm all for gun control, but I think 2 years is a little excessive. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he should have gotten off scotch free, but I think he got hit pretty hard; especially when considering he plead guilty to a lesser charge rather than going to trial. I also find it hard to believe that he's serving more time than Michael Vick AND Donte Stallworth, who got a DUI and killed someone in the process. I'm thinking shooting himself in the leg probably sucked quite a bit, too. (Note: I didn't even mention Ray Lewis or OJ Simpson. Oops! I just did...)

4 - Glenn Beck Boils Frogs in Failed Metaphor Attempt
FOX News, you never cease to shock and horrify me. In an attempt to demonstrate a metaphor about...something stupid, Glenn Beck apparently boiled some frogs. The concept was that they were supposed to leap out of the boiling water. Now, I don't know if he ACTUALLY boiled real, living frogs, and I certainly hope he didn't, but seriously can you think of anything more ridiculous? I thiiiink this was Mr. Beck's way of inspiring his people to rise up against... ummm... fascism..orrr..communism...uhh...Health Care??? No idea... But I'm pretty sure that the frogs in the metophor represent the American People. Sooo, Glenn Beck metaphorically killed the American People?? That's just awesomely funny! OH! And apparently he slow boiled John McCain, too. What the hell? He's a war hero, damnit!

Theory: FOX News - An experiment created and maintained by the United States government to gauge how much false information can be fed to the American People before a major percentage of the population's brains shrivel to the size of raisins.

5 - (sorry! downer alert) Human Resources VP Beaten to Death in India
After laying off 42 people at an auto parts company in India, an HR VP was beaten to death by a mob. This is just sad. It reminds me of how desperate the economic situation is across the world and how good we actually still have it in the US.

Oh hell! It's 1:11 AM...I guess I should do some work. Fuck! Sooo that's all for the evening, kids. As always, I hope you found something mildly entertaining and insightful.